“If you really put a small value upon
yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.” ~Unknown
I have always been a
smart, dedicated, hard working person. I was raised to believe that those were
characteristics required for success. So imagine my surprise to reach the
working world and find unexceptional colleagues getting promoted above me.
There’s one memory that
particularly stands out.
When I was twenty-five, I
was on a team that consisted of amazingly smart, ambitious, hardworking people,
plus one mediocre guy, Tom. His mediocrity stood out amongst a high-achieving
team, but Tom thought he was a rock star.
Infuriatingly, all the
right people noticed Tom. And they didn’t notice me.
In hindsight, the biggest
difference between Tom and I was our mindset around self-promotion. We were
both ambitious, but he was willing to push for it. Meanwhile, I was waiting
patiently for my turn.
I couldn’t get past the
idea that self-promotion was sleazy, manipulative, or desperate, so I refused
to do it. I didn’t go into a meeting with sweaty palms ready to ask for the
promotion that I wanted. I just did nothing.
I waited and hoped that
someone would notice how hardworking and deserving I was. But it never
happened. I lost out on opportunities that would’ve helped me make a bigger
difference and feel more fulfilled in my work because I refused to raise my
hand.
Now, I’ve built my career
on my skill for authentic self-promotion and have found tactics to promote
myself in ways that feel in perfect alignment with who I am. These are the
things I’ve learned along the way. I hope these work for you, whether you work
for yourself or have a traditional job.
1. Find a role model for authentic self-promotion.
You
can probably picture the kind of person that you don’t want to be
when you’re promoting yourself. But do you know whom you do want to
model your self-promotional behaviors after?
Look out for examples of
people that promote themselves with honesty, integrity, and personality.
One of my role models once
told me a story about going to a networking dinner and being pestered by
someone who wanted her to quit her job and come join his company.
When her boss asked how
the networking event was, she said: “It went well. I got offered three
jobs. Actually, I got offered the same job three times. See how in-demand I
am?”
She told me that it felt
like a light-hearted way for her to tell him that she’s highly sought after. It
both matched her cheeky personality and how they usually interacted with each
other every day. If she tried to do it any other way, it would have seemed
awkward and insincere.
Your
mindset around self-promotion will dramatically change once you start looking
for positive examples of people who practice authentic self-promotion. You’ll be
surprised how many role models you can find.
2. Remind yourself how self-promotion can help you make a
difference.
Self-promotion has a bad
reputation for being egotistical. But it’s only egotistical if you’re solely
focused on what it can do for you. Try focusing on how it allows you to help
more people.
How
many more people
will you be able to help if you promote yourself and more people discover your
work?
How will landing this new
job or client help you make a bigger contribution to the project?
Getting the job or landing
the client gives you the opportunity to change their lives or business for the
better.
Thinking about how your
work makes a difference takes the focus off you so that you feel less
egotistical and reminds you that your work (no matter how menial you may think
it is) helps others.
3. Realize that no one else is paying as much attention as
you are.
In the past, I believed
that if I truly deserved that new opportunity, then the people in charge would
have already offered it to me. But that’s rarely true.
They have a lot on their
to-do list and it’s easy for them to forget everything that you do. That’s why
you need to regularly remind them, whether it’s a boss or a client.
All it takes is getting
into the habit of a quick knock on the door to say, “I just wrapped up that
project and wanted to let you know about the great feedback we’ve had so far.”
It can be casual, honest, and low pressure. Don’t be afraid to let them see how
valuable you are.
4. Ask yourself how satisfied you are with your work right
now.
Feeling the need to raise
your hand for new opportunities is a sign that there’s something missing from
your current work. By raising your hand and advocating for yourself, you have
an opportunity to find greater fulfillment in your career with minimal effort.
Ask yourself: what kind of
projects would bring me more job satisfaction? Then, proactively ask for those
projects.
Employers love it when
their employees are engaged and fulfilled by their work, so there’s a good
chance they’ll want to hear what you have to say. It’s helpful to you and it’s
helpful to them.
5. Approach it like an equal.
I noticed that one thing
that I disliked about self-promotion was feeling like I was asking for more
than I was offering. It dramatically lowered my confidence and triggered the
quivering, insecure voice that’s a dead giveaway that I’m nervous and unsure.
Now, before I even start
on the path toward authentic self-promotion, I get clear on what I want and
what I will bring to the table that is of equal or greater value than what I’m
asking for.
It removes the feeling of
powerlessness and helps give me confidence that I’m making a difference with my
contribution. Even better, it means that I can easily explain how I’ll make a
positive impact for my boss or client.
6. Notice what your fear of self-promotion is masking.
Your fear of
self-promotion masks something much bigger. It could be fear of success,
failure, judgment, or not being good enough. You’re not afraid of
self-promotion itself; you’re actually afraid that if you promote yourself and
it doesn’t go well, it’ll prove that your real fear is true.
For me, I’m usually afraid
that I’m not good enough to get that big project or land that new client. If I
raise my hand, promote myself and get rejected, it can feel like evidence that
proves my fear—I truly wasn’t good enough.
What is the underlying
fear for you? Where does that come from? When you dig deep into what the fear
truly is, you can start to question its validity and build your personal growth
muscles.
